


What It’s Suppose To Feel Like

by Phantomkinoc13



Category: AtLA - Fandom, Avatar: The Last Airbender, the last airbender
Genre: Ember Island, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Toph is in one scene, self discovery, toph isn’t a narc, zuko is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24435439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomkinoc13/pseuds/Phantomkinoc13
Summary: Zuko is frustrated that he’s still so confused about his feelings so he talks to sokka.. alone ;)
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), zukka, zuko / sokka
Comments: 8
Kudos: 320





	What It’s Suppose To Feel Like

The evening air was cool and calming, and Zuko was enjoying it as he sat down in the sand. His old family house on ember island had it’s own private beach, after all, and the others were asleep already so he had a chance to be alone with his thoughts. He’d had a lot on his mind since he and Sokka had gotten back from the boiling rock. Sokka was clever, he was smart, and strong willed and it was *his* plans that got them out.   
He laid out on the beach, sighing as he crossed his arms over his face just listening to the waves. He was beginning to realize just how many things made him think of Sokka. The waves, The color blue, the moon. His dumb jokes made him smile, even if it was only behind his back. He’d been the first give him a chance and make him feel included- so why did he get so nervous around him? He didn’t feel nervous around the others, so why did it matter so much if Sokka liked him? He groaned and flung his arms out on either side looking up at the night sky.   
“What do you think, stars?” He paused for an answer. “Yeah, i don’t know either. I’m still confused, but before i thought i knew what i needed to do. But why can’t i sleep now?” Only crickets answered. 

Sokka wasn’t asleep either, in fact he was wide awake, pacing his room. He’d been thinking about Suki. And about Zuko. He liked Suki, and Suki liked him too- but when they’d talked about it last, suki really liked one of the other kyoshi warriors- and he couldn’t blame her, it had been too soon and then it had been a while. But just the other day, Zuko had smiled at him, and he’d felt his heart do that weird twisting skip that it had done when he saw Suki the first time too. Maybe his nerves were because his hair was messy and hung in his face, partially hiding his scar, and he was talking about tea or whatever, but that smile was still on Sokka’s mind. Zuko smiled so rarely that seeing it made *him* smile. He couldn’t tell anyone about the dumb heart skip. Of course, toph knew but she wasn’t a narc. And she didn’t care if Sokka liked boys. Maybe he should talk to Zuko about it and just be honest.. or maybe that was a really bad idea.   
After a little while of laying there, trying to figure out his feelings, Zuko settled on “maybe i’m just happy to have a friend, so I don’t wanna fuck it up” so he could make himself go to bed, and got up, brushing himself off. He headed back inside quietly, and made his way down the hall to his room, holding his hand over the side of his face as he walked by the long mirror in the hallway. Maybe he’d learn something from his dreams.   
When morning came with no new realizations, he didn’t think about it. He was the first to wake up, out of habit. He literally rose with the sun, which left him with not quite enough sleep as far as he was concerned, but he couldn’t seem to help it. He started making breakfast- which brought a now awake Sokka out of his room. He yawned.  
“What are you making that smells so good?” His hair was still down. Zuko looked up and felt his heart skip, nervous. Sokka looked good with his hair down- it was *cute* actually, the way it framed his face.   
“Oh. It’s bacon, i picked it up when we were in town yesterday.” He was staring, though he didn’t realize it.   
“Bacon?!” Sokka’s eyes lit up. “I haven’t had bacon in soo long.” He grinned eagerly, suddenly realizing he was being stared at. He wondered if his hair was really that bad. “I’ll uh, go wake the others.” Sokka had been impressed. Zuko was surprisingly kind. Sure, he was quick to anger (hot headed sokka had said), and he was pretty awkward, but he tried his best, and with his hair grown out he was infuriatingly handsome. He tied up his hair and woke the others for breakfast.   
“Okay” it wasn’t like his feelings for Mei. She was pretty, sure she was fairly understanding and he cared about her. She was the only girl he’d ever kissed, he was never nervous around her but he was never excited by her either. He wasn’t sure if that was how everyone felt though. He watched sokka go, turning back to the bacon just in time to not let it burn. His heart was beating fast. It steadied once sokka left, but he was confused. Maybe he should try talking to sokka about it, then the nervousness would go away. At least he hoped. 

The morning was spent training Aang, showing him more basic firebending moves. Eventually Aang decided it was time for a break, and he’d be training with katara and toph in the afternoon, so Zuko would have a chance to talk to Sokka. Alone.   
Sokka was sitting on the steps, just watching and sipping coconut water straight from a coconut.   
“Hey” He sat down next to him.   
“You done with firebending training for the day orrr just taking a break.” He looked up at Zuko.   
“We’re done for the day.”  
“Soo..” sokka sat up. “You wanna spar?”  
“How?”  
“With swords”  
“I don’t think that would be very fair.” Zuko got a hint of a smirk. Sokka noticed.   
“Oh yeah? And why’s that? Don’t think you could take me?” Sokka gave a daring look.   
“You only have one sword. I fight with two. And i have years of experience.”  
“Well how am i suppose to get even better if no one fights me!?”  
“I can teach you techniques.” Zuko suggested. Sokka made a dramatic pouty face. He groaned. “Fine we can spar.. but.. i need to talk to you about something first.”   
“Oh. Uh, alright, hit me with it.”   
“Not here. I want to talk to you alone. Privately.” He rubbed the back of his neck. Sokka blushed with nervousness, he wondered what he wanted to talk about. Maybe it was a secret. Or his past. Or it was about Sokka. Or Katara- he took a breath.   
“Oh. Sure. Okay. Uh. Where do we uhh wanna go?” Sokka said. Zuko was definitely nervous now, his heart sped up. But he looked totally calm.   
“There’s a path up to the cliff above the beach. Why don’t we head up there?”  
“Alright” Sokka sighed. “I assume you know the way.” He set down his coconut and stood up, stretching his arms up over his head, then grabbing the coconut and gesturing dramatically, in a one armed bow. “Lead the way.”   
Zuko nodded and lead him, going up around the side of the house from the beach, and climbing a set of stone steps, there was a cliff overlooking a separate small alcove that was part or their private beach, just separated by tidepools and rock. Here they were close to the house, but out of sight from the training ground on the beach. There was already an area that had been cleared away from years of visiting, though the gazebo looked like it was part of a ruins now.   
“My mom used to take me up here to look at the stars” he told him as he sat down on the steps of the overgrown gazebo. “That was years ago though.” He sighed. Sokka sat next to him, looking out at the sea and the sky going on for miles.   
“It’s a beautiful view from up here.”  
“Yeah. It sure is.” Now he could feel his heart racing. Why was he so damn nervous.   
*c’mon zuko, you’ve befriended him. Don’t fuck it up. Don’t freak him out.* he thought to himself. He fell silent for a moment.   
Sokka couldn’t help but wonder if this was the universe telling him he should talk about his feelings. Even though he didn’t like to listen to the universe. He glanced over at Zuko from where he sat. His shaggy black hair fell in front of his eyes, just brushing his neck below his ears, his gold eyes glittered with intensity, focused somewhere in the distance, he couldn’t see his scar from this angle, he looked.. peaceful and- oh shit was he talking? He looked at Sokka, and Sokka suddenly snapped out of it.   
“Huh? What? I wasn’t-?”  
“I didn’t say anything.” Zuko raised his eyebrow.   
“Ha- oh, sorry.” Sokka blushed. “Zoned out a bit there, ya know, the sky the view..” *ah fuck*  
“Anyway.. i wanted to talk to you”   
“Yes. That. What about?”  
“You know about girls and feelings-stuff, right? You said you has experience.” *oh* Sokka cleared his throat and set down the coconut again. He had such clear skin. His jaw was sharp, Zuko studied his features, his eyebrows, his shoulders, Sokka looked strong. He was handsome. Zuko wasn’t sure if he envied it or admired it- or maybe he was attracted to it? But.. he didn’t want the body or the face Sokka had. He just wanted Sokka.   
“Yeah, i know some things. Don’t want to brag but i’ve charmed my way around a bit” he winked, getting a big cheesy smirk. That wink made Zuko feel something. But he still couldn’t put a finger on it.   
“Yeah yeah okay. So.. i have a question.”  
“Go on.” He really didn’t know what this was about now.   
“It’s just- i have these feelings but i’m confused if.. uh.. you know what, Nevermind.” He started to get up.   
“Wait- confused about what. I might be able to help. Is it mei?”  
“No. Well, yes and no.”   
“You broke up with her right?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Is this about you still having feelings for her-?”  
“No. No. It’s complicated, forget it.”   
“Nuh-uh. No way buddy. You dragged me alll the way up here to have a feelings talk, we’re having a feelings talk.” He pointed dramatically to the seat beside him, waiting for Zuko to sit back down. He relented and sat again, beside him.   
“Okay so tell me about Mei, she’s the really bored looking one with the bangs, right?”   
“Yeah. Mei and i used to date. I mean, we dated for a while. She had a crush on me so i sort of just went for it. She waited for me to come home for 3 years after i was banished so we just started dating again when i came home. But then i left again, on my own.” He shrugged   
“Okay.. soo.. you feel bad for breaking up with her?”  
“Kind of? I don’t know? Look, this isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”  
“You have feelings for someone else? Who is it?”  
“I don’t know!” He slapped his hands over his face, talking through his fingers. “I don’t know. Look.. i’ve never actually had friends of my own, but even though it feels like i’ve sort of befriended all of you now i’m still nervous.”   
“Oh that? That’s perfectly normal. You joined the group later, so it makes sense that-“  
“The others don’t make me nervous.”  
“Okay. Now *i’m* confused.”   
“I’m confused! I don’t know what this feeling is. I was never nervous when i dated mei. I wasn’t nervous around her before we dated either, tai lee never made me nervous. Katara scares me a little, but she doesn’t make me nervous either and obviously Toph and Aang don’t make me nervous they’re kids.”   
“Wait wait wait. Hold on. *I* make you nervous?” Sokka raised an eyebrow. “Okay, define for me anxious, and nervous.”  
“Its not anxiety. Its like a weird skipping feeling in my chest? Or my stomach? I don’t know.”   
“Like good skipping or bad skipping?” Sokka narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out what he meant now.   
“Just skipping! Like maybe I don’t wanna fuck it up.”   
“I see, I see.” Sokka stroked his imaginary beard. “And you never felt that weird chest skip thing around Mei?”  
“No, not really.”   
“Were you always comfortable around her?”  
“I dunno, i guess. She was my sister’s friend and we kinda just ended up dating because she liked me enough to ask me.”   
“Dude did you even like her?  
“Of course. She’s got a nice face, she always tried to make me feel like I didn’t have to be ashamed.. I care about her.”   
“Okay, that’s great and all, but did you *like* her.”  
“What do you mean?” Sokka slapped his palm into his forehead. This was dumb. Unbelievable.   
“She was your girlfriend, so you kissed her right?”   
“Yeah.” He blushed faintly.   
“But did you *feel* anything?”  
“Like what?” He narrowed his eyes again. Sokka sighed.   
“Ya know, the feelings, like did your heart get all fluttery, or you couldn’t stop grinning or you wanted to kiss her again? Some physical feeling of excitement, wanting to be closer? Any of that?”  
“Oh.” Zuko looked out at the sea, thinking about it. He kissed her because she wanted to kiss him. And being physically close to another person felt nice. But it didn’t excite him. He was kind of indifferent. “No. I never felt any of those things”  
“Then you didn’t date her because you liked her, you just did it because it was convenient. I mean, how far did you even go?”  
“I kissed her.” He glanced over at Sokka. “I never really thought about that. It just seemed like what i was suppose to do.” Zuko sighed.   
“Have you ever considered that ladies maybe just aren’t your cup of tea?” Sokka shrugged and leaned back on the steps. Sokka had known for a little while that he fancied more that just girls. He’d never bothered to mention it, but sometimes he’d found boys to be just as impressive and just as pretty- though it was certainly easier to find girls who’d be into him.   
“I think.. maybe..” Zuko glanced at him. “How do i *know* if i like someone?”  
“You stare at em. You think about their face a lot. You wanna kiss them. They make you nervous or fluttery or something like that” his heart thumped in his chest. Did Zuko have a thing for him? he was clearly still working on the ‘might be gay’ thing but He was glad to help talk him through it.   
“I never even thought about men being an option. My father would’ve had me killed if i dared to ask about it..”   
“Hard yikes buddy.” Sokka made a face. “Look, don’t take this the wrong way but what i’ve gotten from all this is that I make you nervous, and you’re debating whether that means you have feelings for me or not, so why don’t we just.. find out.” He shrugged, sitting up more. Zuko’s face flushed red.   
“But-“  
“I mean, you said it yourself. You never got turned on kissing your girlfriend, girls don’t make you nervous, just anxious. You said i make you nervous so why not just.. ya know....”  
“Try kissing you?” Zuko asked. Now his heart was racing, he could feel it hammering in his chest.   
“I don’t want to fuck up us being able to be friends if...”   
“Dude. I don’t care if you’re gay. I’m bi. I’m into guys and maybe, just maybe i might ya know.. wanna..” he petered off, blushing, but not as blatantly as Zuko was. He shifted a little closer. Zuko let him. He looked out at the vast blue. Blue like Sokka’s eyes.. He was nervous, he looked at Sokka, who’s gaze has softened, looking up at him. He moved a bit closer too. Sokka brought a hand up to Zuko’s shoulder, and rested it there, careful. Their eyes met, and Zuko realized there: he *wanted* to kiss him. He wanted to know if this was the part of himself he was still so confused about. If all this confusion and self hatred came from a feeling he was never allowed to have.   
He leaned in. Sokka leaned up slightly, he let his eyes flutter shut, he waited until he could feel the heat radiating from Zuko’s skin to lean in further, then he would let Zuko close the gap. He opened an eye after a moment, just to see Zuko’s eyes shut. He smiled- before gently pulling him in by his shoulder and kissed him. He felt a wave of warmth when their lips pressed together. And Zuko felt something he was sure he’d never felt before. He didn’t want to pull away. He felt his heart skip and his stomach tie in knots, and heat pulse through his body, and he followed Sokka’s lips as he pulled away after a moment, leaving Zuko a blushing flustered mess.   
“Sooo? How was that?” He asked casually. Zuko looked down.   
“I think i’m gay” he said. Sokka laughed.   
“Hey! Why are you laughing? Shut up” his cheeks were red.   
“I dunno. Why don’t you make me~” Sokka smirked playfully. Zuko took a moment, and then, after sitting there in quiet just long enough for Sokka to look at him again- he took him by the front of his shirt, and kisses him again. Soft and gentle, but square on the lips, making his heart race, and sokka’s mind blank out. He was kissing Zuko. He was kissing the boy that used to be their enemy but he’d grown and changed and holy shit. Zuko snuck his hand up and gently tugged out Sokka’s hair tie, so his hair fell down around his face in that way it was when he just woke up. When he pulled away, he felt a small smile creep onto his face. And then he couldn’t help it. He smiled softly, glancing off to sea. Sokka beamed. He was gonna make a fuss about his hair. But Zuko was actually smiling.   
“You know, i’ve snuck off before, but i think this adventure has been the most fun, actually.”   
“Wait.. what about Suki.”  
“Oh, she started dating one of the girls in her team of badass warriors.”

Toph had grown bored just sitting by while Katara and Aang trained, so eventually she got up, groaning.   
“Ughhh. Alright. Sweet stuff. Twinkletoes. You two have fun i’m gonna go find Sokka and Zuko. I felt them leave earlier so i think i know where they went.”   
“Okay.” Katara called after.   
“I thought i heard sokka say something about sparring” Aang offered. Toph nodded, and began walking off in the direction of the house. She could feel stairs nearby. There was a cliff. And a platform with a roof but no walls, just pillars. She stomped one foot on the ground, and paused, mapping out the area. She could sense them. But it definitely didn’t feel like they were sparring. They were just.. sitting. As she got closer though she could feel the racing heartbeats through the ground. She stopped suddenly. Realizing. They were *kissing* she gasped. And then got a huge grin. This was too good. The irony. The situational comedy- but, maybe she shouldn’t interrupt them, she thought. Even though she knew. It was kind of nice, actually. It felt like knowing she could completely be herself. And now she was in on the secret. Katara’s voice came from behind her. Back on the steps, a ways away.   
“Toph, did you find them?”   
“Yeah” she said, turning around. She made her choice. “He’s just demonstrating sword techniques. It’s just as boring as you training Aang. Actually more boring cuz there’s no bending. Lets go Katara.” She knew their secret now. But if they didn’t want to share it, that was okay. Even though the thought of katara’a shock made her grin. She wished she could see the look on her face. oh well. 

“Did you hear that?” Sokka asked, turning behind them.   
“Hear what?”  
“I thought i heard... you know, nevermind. So.. how about that sword lesson now.”   
“Tomorrow.”   
“Aw c’mon.”   
“I have another question..”  
“This one better not be complicated, my brain is done.”  
“What does this mean now?”  
“Well.. i guess it means we’re dating? If you wanna be that is.” Sokka looked at him nervously. Zuko looked at his hands. It was a lot to process,   
“I still don’t want to fuck things up” he said. Sokka shook his head.   
“My first girlfriend turned into the *moon* remember? Unless you turn into the sun, i think we’re fine. Besides.. i want you to be happy”  
“I’m never happy..”  
“Well, i’m gonna try to change that. You can’t stop me. I have decided that’s my next mission. And- now that you’re not so confused anymore maybe it’s possible” There was silence for a minute. A silence of thought.   
“Thanks, Sokka.”   
“Hey, no problem.” He smiled. Neither of them moved apart again. The closeness was nice. The view was nice. And in a few days, the war would come to an end. Somehow, even though it took so long, it felt like it was perfect timing.


End file.
